The Life and Times of an Arachnophobe

I've been living with a severe fear of spiders most of my life as many people have. However, I'm firmly convinced that my fear is special; my fear lives and pulsates at the very core of my being, easily awakened at the most awkward of moments. Large spiders literally make me scream - and not a deep, bellowing manly scream either. The scream tends to be absurd and girly. As a person with a true fear of spiders (arachnophobia), being confronted with a decent sized spider is akin to a person with a fear of heights being hung by his/her left foot from the edge of a tall building.

It was so much fun being me as a young boy camping with my parents on a spider infested island on the Mississippi, or being trapped on the floor of a small canoe with spiders dropping from the overhanging trees as we meandered through the backwaters.

Man has only been on this earth a fraction of the time spiders have. I'm convinced that when we humans finally came along with our superior intellect, spiders took delight in dropping down from webs to dangle in front of us - showcasing those bizarre, quick leg movements while wrapping their squirming prey in death cocoons and taunting us with their alien facial features filled with multiple black eyes of various sizes. In other words, using our intellect (with it's vivid imagination) against us.

At this moment, I am typing on my computer which is located in my damp, spider infested basement. From my vantage point, I can see four different spiders hanging around in their webs a safe distance from me (out of my sphere of fear). In recent weeks, there have been a few instances in which spiders have dropped from the ceiling directly above me and dangled inches from my face (quick swat, girly scream). They have also been detected in my peripheral vision, crawling down the PC tower (quick backward roll in my chair inducing back pain, girly scream). So far, so good today. I continue to type, trying boldly to be an adult about the whole thing. All the while keeping my peripheral vision on active duty. I'm sure I'll be fine today, but the thought keeps nagging me that the worst is yet to come - the dread of that one day when a large, fast spider crawls across the keyboard sending me to that place akin to being dangled from the roof of the Sears Tower by my left big toe (insert playground of girly screams).

X-Files

My son and I own the first seven seasons of The X-Files on DVD and I've been watching the show since it started in 1993. It has since become my favorite show second only to Star Trek. After this many years I really should know better than to eat while watching this show. Well, really it is a crap shoot (so to speak). While one episode can be dealing with something as mundane as a UFO sighting, another one features a grotesque "Fluke-Man" crawling into the sewage under the seat of an outdoor toilet. Yummy.

Obviously I think it's a wonderful show filled with intelligent writing and interesting characters. I just need to remember to treat watching it like swimming - wait an hour after eating.

Refusing to Believe the Lessons of History

I see in the news that an elderly "holocaust denier" shot and killed a guard in the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. The article turned my stomach.

Since I first started paying attention to this phenomenon as a teenager, I've been sickened to read about large groups of people who get together to discuss their shared disbelief in the fact that approximately 6 million Jews were murdered during WWII. These "holocaust deniers" sent out propaganda to anger and entice others to join the "cause". Of course, now they have this garbage all over the internet.

How does one become so angry that he/she needs to blame others based on ethnicity, religion, and/or sexual orientation? I really can't begin to answer that question, but maybe Mel Gibson can tell us - - - once we get a few drinks in him......

Top 25 Albums in My Life

I posted this top 25 albums list on Facebook a while ago. It was so much fun, I thought I'd share it with the rest of you as well....

1. The Beatles “Magical Mystery Tour” – When I was a kid in the early seventies, we had a stereo in the living room. I made my mom play The Beatles "Magical Mystery Tour" album over and over. That album was released in 1967 but I didn't hear it until the early seventies. The atmosphere in that album just floored me at that age. The song "Fool on the Hill" still sounds haunting to me.

2. Paul McCartney “Ram” - One of Paul McCartney's first solo albums, "Ram" had some wonderful songs such as "Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey" and "Smile Away". I wore out this album in the early seventies. Both this album and The Beatles "Magical Mystery Tour" always make me think of living in that little trailer in Lake Village, staring at the dull, brown walls, while I rocked back and forth with those huge head phones on - transported to another dimension of bizarre colors and shapes.

3. The Moody Blues “In Search of the Lost Chord” - As a child, I also remember certain album covers mesmerizing me and freaking me out a bit. The Moody Blues "In Search of the Lost Chord" is one scary-ass cover if you stare at it long enough.

4. In about 1974, I scraped up all my allowance money (about 5 bucks) and planned on riding my bike from the Lake Village trailer court to the Red Owl store so I could buy my own 45 rpm records. About half way there, I was caught in an intense hail storm that literally knocked me off my bike. Luckily a friendly couple with a station wagon saw me, made sure I was okay, and drove me the rest of the way to the store. Dripping wet and still stinging from the hail, I bought 4 records: Cher "Dark Lady", Jethro Tull "Bungle in the Jungle", Paul McCartney "Band on the Run", and Ray Stevens "The Streak" - Yes. That's correct. I rode my bike through stinging hail so I could buy "The Streak". Sigh.

5. Electric Light Orchestra “Out of the Blue”, “Discovery”, and “Time” - In the late seventies, I had my own paper route for two years (at age 13 - 15). Finally making my own money, I was actually able to buy whole albums. Woohoo! During this time (1979) I discovered The Electric Light Orchestra's single "Don't Bring Me Down" on the radio. This was a huge song for me at that time. I later went on to collect most of their albums. Now they remind me of my upstairs bedroom in my old house on Hamilton Street. I had to lay on my bed backward with my fan in the window blowing on my face because it would get so damn hot in the summer.

6. Rush “Permanent Waves”, “Moving Pictures”, and “Signals” - In 1981 I was a junior in High School. This was the year that Bruce introduced me to the band Rush. Although it took me some time to warm up to Geddy Lee's high-pitched singing, I loved the sheer intelligence of the music. This is the only band I've seen live three different times - once in 1982 and then two more times twenty some years later!

7. Devo “Freedom of Choice”, “New Traditionalists”, and “Oh No! It’s Devo!” - Eric drove us (the whole gang) around listening to Devo's "Freedom of Choice". The bizarre singing, catchy riffs, and goofy energy won me over immediately. It wasn't long before I owned every one of their albums as well. Love them or hate them, to this day Devo has been mentioned as an influence on a wide variety of popular bands today. More than any other band, though, they seem to remind me of the fun I had with all of my good friends Bruce, Mark, Eric, Todd, Chuck, Peter, and Uncle Jerry.

8. Soundtrack to the movie “Heavy Metal” – One twisted movie with a great soundtrack!

9. Blue Oyster Cult “Fire of Unknown Origin”, "Cultosaurus Erectus"– Great fantasy/sci-fi music that reminds me of all my friends.

10. The Cars “Candy-O” - Mark introduced me to The Cars "Candy-O" while we sat on the floor of his upstairs bedroom playing a cool board game he invented. Not only did they become another favorite of mine, but The Cars first and second album turned out to be the two albums I had in common with my then girlfriend, Paula when we met in 1983. When I listen to “Candy-O” now, I think back to Paula driving me around in her little Volkswagon Jetta.

11. Weird Al Yankovic “In 3D” and “Dare to be Stupid” - I know he annoys some people, but his sense of humor is the soundtrack of my life. I think it’s great that he continues to put out a new album every couple of years. I even saw him live a few years ago with Lee, Peter and his wife Siobhan. It was a blast.

12. Penguins From Mars - I and most of my friends created the album "Penguins from Mars" in 1983. This "classic" album was created late at night at Artie and Shirley's (while they were gone someplace) using Jerry's tape player, Shirley's Fun Machine keyboard, harmonica, and a guitar with missing strings. We stayed up until 4:00am making "song" after "song" until we were exhausted (from laughing).

13. Asia – This album reminds me of poor Chuck getting tickets for us to see Asia live in concert. The jerks canceled the tour on us. I like their first album, but I still haven’t forgiven them….

14. Oingo Boingo “Dead Man’s Party” – Lead singer/song writer, Danny Elfman has since gone on to compose the music to countless hit movies such as Batman and Spiderman, but in the 80's he was the leader of this quirky band. My wife and I went for countless drives in the country listening to this album. Paula didn’t always like the more bizarre aspects of my musical taste, but I always thought it was cool that she liked this album.

15. R.E.M. “Reckoning”, and “Fables of the Reconstruction” – In the mid 80’s, R.E.M. was still a relatively unknown band, but Paula and I wore out my tapes of these albums while going for drives in the country. Gas must have been a lot cheaper back then….

16. Rush “Presto” - In the late 80's I got married, got promoted to supervisor at work, bought a house, had my first child, and consequently my first anxiety attack. I landed in the Emergency Room for my trouble. Rush's 1989 album "Presto" got me through it. I remember dancing around the room to Rush's "Superconductor" while holding my son, Lee, who was less than a year old at the time. I’m glad he still likes Rush today.

17. Penguins From Mars “The February Sessions”, “Sci-Fi Visions of Lightning Bug Children”, “A Comedy of Errors, A Spectrum of Bright Red Goalie Masks” - In 1991 Todd, Peter, and I decided (at the spur of the moment late at night after polishing off a pizza) to resurrect our band, Penguins from Mars. We made three albums that year (“The February Sessions”, “Sci-Fi Visions of Lightning Bug Children”, “A Comedy of Errors, A Spectrum of Bright Red Goalie Masks”) and became legends in our own minds.

18. Rush “Roll the Bones” – Rush came out with this album in 1991 and I listened to it over and over all year. It reminds me of several difficult people I had to supervise at work. Yuck. I still like the album, though.

19. Rush “Counterparts”, They Might Be Giants "Apollo 18" – I was listening to these albums a lot in 1993 and 1994. They remind me of the birth of my second son, Ryan in 1994. It was a good year!

20. Smash Mouth – “Astro Lounge” – In 1999 Lee purchased Smash Mouth’s “Astro Lounge”. Lee was still small enough to sit on my lap as we sat and listened to the whole album using his old Sega Dreamcast. The album kind of sounded like punk rock if punk rock had emerged in the mid 60's. Later, Lee went on to other CDs, but “Astro Lounge” became one of my all time favorite albums. Most importantly, it reminds me of Lee looking at me and smiling during each song.

21. Penguins From Mars “Pimby’s Buried Treasure” - Around this time, Peter and I completed the final (so far) Penguins from Mars album. I don’t think I’ve ever worked so hard on something so silly and pointless. It was great. Later after recovering from my 2nd back surgery in May of 2003, I went back through all that goofy “music” we created and transferred the songs from cassette tape to my computer. I then had a blast creating album covers (front, back, and inserts) for each one.

22. Rush “Vapor Trails” - In 2002, and after 30 years of making music, Rush came out with “Vapor Trails”. It was invigorating and inspiring to listen to three guys in their early 50’s rock like there’s no tomorrow. Soon after, I was able to take Lee to see them live (along with Peter and his wife Siobhan, Bruce, and Mark). It was deafening, and great fun.

23. The Shins “Oh, Inverted World” and “Chutes Too Narrow” - A couple years ago, Peter mailed to me a CD of a band called “The Shins”. I had never heard of them before, but once I listened I was hooked. The Shins are a mid-tempo alternative band with strange lyrics and nice harmonies (almost like The Byrds or Simon and Garfunkel). By this time, Lee had an iPod and we were copying all our CDs into iTunes. Whenever Lee wasn’t using his iPod, I was listening to The Shins over and over and over……

24. Rush “Snakes and Arrows” – The band “Rush” came out with yet another new album “Snakes and Arrows” and this time I got to take both Ryan and Lee to the live concert. It was even better than their 2002 concert. My back was hurting me more by this time so I haven’t been able to do anything like that since. I’m really happy I made it to that concert.

25. Bad Religion “New America” - Ryan has really been getting into music much like his older brother (perhaps even more so). With his own iPod, Ryan has been downloading all kinds of great tunes by bands like Bad Religion, The Offspring, Green Day and 311 (just to name a few). However, when he found Bad Religion’s album “New America” and listened to it with me, BAM! I found a new favorite band. Bad Religion is mainly a punk rock band that also happens to be very melodic with wonderful harmonies. I’m sure this album will remind me of discussing and enjoying good music with Ryan more than anything else.

Health Care

A few years ago, a woman I worked with told me that she had gone into bankruptcy because she could not afford her son's medical care. She was working two jobs. Insurance companies refused him because of pre-existing conditions.

Currently my wife and I pay almost $700 per month for health insurance through her employer. The coverage has a high deductible which, once met, pays only 70% of the costs. The premiums, like most, rise each year.

Why are Republicans (or should I call them puppets of the insurance companies) succeeding yet again at beating down any chance this country has of having decent health care?

Living in Slow Motion

It's been almost a year since I stopped working and 12 years since I originally injured my back. It is clear that after two surgeries, many injections, and more therapy than I can remember, I'm not getting any better. In terms of the speed in which I live my life, I have been on a gradual decline spanning 12 years. I'm assuming the reason I'm as positive as I am at this point is because it was such a slow decline. Had I been scrubbing and shampooing floors one day and then using a cane and unable to drive the next, I probably would have been fighting some really severe depression. As it is, however, I have been able to slowly learn to appreciate what the world has to offer from a sitting position.